Monday, May 13, 2013

Ladies Hating Ladies. Just Stop Already.

Today I wanted to talk about something that's been bouncing around in my mind for the past few weeks. Ladies hating ladies. It's totally unnecessary and does nothing productive for anyone.

Over the weekend this Huffington Post Home piece ( was making the rounds on my social media networks; and people -- especially scrappers --  were understandably upset. What was the point of the article? What was the author thinking when she wrote it? Who was the audience she was trying to reach?

It seemed like she was just trying to use her power as a writer for a large online magazine to be a bully. The writer wasn't just an unpaid intern at HuffPo either, she is the Senior Editor of the Style and Home verticals and has made many media appearances.  By writing an article where the sole purpose is to inform readers that certain activities are 'cool' or 'not cool', she tries to position herself as an arbiter of cool and judge of women. I'm just not cool with that. There are plenty of things to write about without resorting to straight up hating on what other people are doing.

Here's what I'm thinking. If we' re going to pile onto each other and try to achieve success by stepping on other women and pushing other women to the bottom, then the highest level of success that we can hope to achieve is to stand on a pile of women who are broken; and I don't think that's anything to aspire to. Remember that our mothers, grandmothers, sisters, and daughters are in that pile too.

We do good when we work together. We do great things when we add up the sum of everyone's greatness. We cannot do those great things when all we are trying to do is exploit each other's weaknesses.

We can all be great at the same time. This isn't a zero-sum game. We no longer live in a society where women only succeed at the expense of other women. Just because one woman achieves success does not mean that another woman cannot succeed in the same place.

So why are we doing this to each other? We all went through the same shit in middle school and high school.  Everyone was bullied...even the bullies were bullied. And we hated it! So why are we doing it again now? We don't have to! We all have our own ways in which we can succeed and be great without shooting down other people. Just because something is great, doesn't mean that something else sucks.

I think these sentiments ring true throughout our lives, but are especially relevant to those of us who are scrapbookers, memory-keepers, or life-documenters. We are doing our best to try to tell the story of our lives. Everyone's life is different, so everyone's story is also different. We need to embrace those differences and learn from the stories of our friends.

We need to realize how hard it is to create art based on our life story - to learn to look at your life through an introspective lens.  On top of that, we then share that creation with other people. It can leave you very vulnerable. So lets come together and make it easier to tell our stories. Let's make it easier to tell our stories to ourselves and lets make it easier to tell our stories to each other.

I'd like to make a request. Let's chill with the hate. Let's work toward creating a positive atmosphere, not just for us, but for all the women we love. I'd like everyone to take a second and think about whether the things they're saying and doing contribute to this culture of ladies hating on ladies. Let's try something different. Let's see what we can do together.

Let's lift each other up instead of knocking each other down. There is room for everyone at the top and I promise that we'll all have a better time getting there if we work together.